“From Dumpster Fires to Bestsellers: The Mr. Cranky Chronicles”
If you’ve been hanging around the D.C. tech scene long enough to dodge a few startup implosions, you’ve probably heard of me, Glen Hellman—or as my frenemies and their PR flacks like to call me, Mr. Cranky. Some say I’m a truth-teller; others say I’m the Grinch who stole their funding rounds. Tomato, tomahto, folks. What’s undeniable is that I’ve made a career out of calling BS on overhyped startups, delusional founders, and tech bro fairy tales.
Let’s talk about one of my greatest hits: Trustify. Remember Trustify? Yeah, that “Uber for private detectives” nonsense. The brainchild of Danny Boice, who managed to con more than 250 investors out of $18 million with promises so inflated they’d make a Macy’s parade balloon blush. Trustify was like a piñata of red flags, and yours truly didn’t hold back. I called it a “dumpster fire” long before it burned investors and employees alike. Fast forward a few years, and Boice is cooling his heels in federal prison, sentenced to eight years for fraud. As they say, time wounds all heels.
Now, let me segue into my book, Write to Die. No, it’s not an autobiography—though with the number of folks who’ve threatened me for exposing their startup shenanigans, it could be. This book is part mystery, part satire, and 100% inspired by the very same startup absurdities I’ve spent years skewering. Trustify might as well have been the first draft.
In Write to Die, you’ve got corporate intrigue, shady deals, and a protagonist who’s just trying to survive a world where BS is the lingua franca. Sound familiar? Sure, the characters are fictional, but let’s be honest—you don’t have to squint too hard to see echoes of Danny Boice and his ilk. The difference is, in my book, justice comes with a side of humor. In real life, it’s more of a slow-cooked meal—but hey, at least it’s served eventually.
The parallels between Trustify and Write to Die are uncanny. Both feature charismatic leaders selling a dream—no, scratch that, a delusion. Both unravel spectacularly under scrutiny. And both remind us that if something smells like BS, it’s probably because someone’s trying to serve it to you on a silver platter.
What’s the takeaway here? For one, don’t believe the hype. Whether it’s a startup claiming to revolutionize private investigation or a founder promising they’re the next Steve Jobs, skepticism is your best friend. And for two, maybe give Write to Die a read. It’s cheaper than investing in a doomed startup and a hell of a lot more fun.
So here’s to all the dumpster fires, hype machines, and bubble blowers. Without you, my blog and books would have far less material. And here’s to all of you out there who keep reading, laughing, and occasionally sending me hate mail. Keep it coming—because if I’ve learned one thing, it’s that in the world of tech, truth really is stranger than fiction.
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