Glen Hellman delivers a gritty, atmospheric thriller.
“Are You Still There?” packs a punch in 2,765 words, blending high-stakes action with raw emotional undercurrents in a coastal North Carolina setting that feels lived-in and menacing.
Protagonist Depth
Lawrence “Sling” Slingoff emerges as a compelling antihero—a battle-hardened operative haunted by family fractures and a nomadic life of violence. His internal conflict shines through terse reflections, like using his daughter’s tampons for a gunshot or flashing back to his ex-wife’s betrayal, revealing a man craving normalcy amid chaos. Hellman’s background in business coaching and thrillers (Greg Newsome series) infuses Sling with authentic “cranky caring” toughness—predatory yet paternal.
Setting and Atmosphere
Southport, NC, pulses as a character: the Coffee and Kitchen Company’s bagels, the Audrey sailboat, and marina docks evoke a haven turned trap, tying cleverly to your prior list of films (Safe Haven, I Know What You Did Last Summer) shot there. Sensory details—Brunswick Stew thermos, bilge water stench, gambrel in the basement—ground the tension in humid, salty realism, amplifying paranoia during Sling’s “detox sail.”
Plot Strengths
The narrative hurtles forward with economy: sabotage on the Audrey leads to brutal confrontations, improvised surgery, and a basement standoff that echoes spec-ops grit. Twists like the family misread at the café and the sniper’s glint deliver punchy suspense, culminating in the eerie phone drop—”Are you still there?”—a masterful hook evoking isolation and finality.
Areas for Polish
Dialogue occasionally veers expository (“Don’t ever wear fucking black-soled shoes on my boat”), and some nautical jargon (portlights, washboards) risks alienating non-sailors without smoother integration. Pacing dips in the basement vigil; tightening the five-hour wait could heighten urgency. Flashbacks, while poignant, fragment momentum—consider weaving them more seamlessly into action beats.
Overall Impact
This stands tall as a standalone or series pilot, rivaling Elmore Leonard’s clipped prose or Lee Child’s Reacher in moral ambiguity and visceral fights. Sling’s evolution—from predator to family dreamer—leaves you rooting for redemption. Strong work; I’d read an Audrey II sequel.